3/19 @ 9:15pm: The "Pay Final Bill" Link

I am not sure which current event has me more riled up tonight:
1) I found Verizon's useless "Pay Final Bill" link, or
2) Carly Smithson is in tonight's American Idol "Bottom 3."

So here's the deal. I was poking around Verizon's website yet again to retry their "pay online" disaster. I think I went a different route this time, because the login screen was a bit different. So I tried to login using the username and password that allows me access to My Account on Verizon.com (the screen that shows me a "Current Balance" of $0.00 and an "Amount Billed" of -$0.06).
The response was that my account wasn't able to access this application (although I CAN log into the My Account part of Verizon.com, mind you). But perhaps I discovered a new path to resolution.

There is a link for those paying a "past due" final bill. The paper bill that I received the other day says "late fees may apply if the "Total Due [$9.61, the internet portion] is not received by Mar 16, 2008" so I should be in good shape, right? It's March 19, I disconnected service on Feb 11, and this bill "re"print is dated Feb 16. I am the perfect candidate!

So I enter my account information...

And as usual, Verizon demonstrates that it is unable to provide even the most basic service. I get some freaking error message that "my account information cannot be verified at this time." Well when exactly can it be verified? When hell freezes over? How does this company have revenue?

Of course I clicked the "Contact Us" link and it leads me to the same channels I have attempted to utilize countless times. You remember the one that got me an email that said something along the lines of "my final bill is $0.00 and they can't give me a copy of it" just a few days ago? Please.

Seriously, this situation is beyond words at this point. Tomorrow I intend to contact the Director of Media Relations at Verizon and the Better Business Bureau.

Late breaking update: Carly is safe. The Rockin' Nurse was kicked off American Idol tonight.