3/11 Update re: Status of Final Bill

Read it and weep...

"We are unable to send out a copy of your bill."

What in the blue hell does that mean? Have you ever paid for a monthly service, and not been provided a copy of the final bill showing that the account has been closed in good standing? That's happened to me once in my lifetime...

This certainly calls into question a few things from the past few weeks:

• Why did a lady on the phone tell me they sent me a final bill? Probably the same reason she hung up on me - because she doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
• Where did they come up with all those random quotes for my final bill? $9.61? $14.10? The famous -$0.06? Just the other day I got an email saying $23.65. All the amounts probably came straight out of the aforementioned lady's "hole in the ground."

And my favorite line from the email - "Please have your most recent Verizon bill available before making the call." Hmm. I think that is going to be a bit of a problem for me. I sent a response to this brilliant email stating that I thought it was unimaginable that they could not provide a final bill, especially considering the circumstances.

Seriously, this would be a fitting ending to a completely f'ed up experience, but I suspect there will be further twists and turns in this saga. Stay tuned.