So I finally got a copy of a final bill. Two of them, actually. One for the Internet service and one for the TV service. The total comes to $14.04 + $9.61 = $23.65. It's a wacky series of positive and negative numbers that Einstein couldn't decipher. But hey, it's that magical $23.65 number that Tiffany figured out, so I might as well trust it.
But talk about a budget operation – the bill came in a handwritten Verizon envelope that contained 9 pages of printer paper that someone obviously printed out from a random PC. Not your standard "bill" type letterhead. The envelope contained no payment coupon, no return envelope, and only a random PO Box address that does not indicate that it is, in fact, a payment address. Furthermore, it lists the 3 cable boxes and wireless router, saying that if I don’t return them, I will be charged. Keep in mind I returned those weeks ago. Finally, the $14.04 bill says it was due March 11, 2008 and the $9.61 bill says it is due "upon receipt." I assume I am now accruing late charges, despite my best efforts.
Bottom line, this bill is a complete clusterduck, and I am not sending money without a payment coupon, or even confirmation that I have the right address. In all of my phone conversations, no one has been able to properly identify my account or my bill, so I have no confidence that a random mail opener would be able to do that. In the meantime, I am once again trying to exhaust every available channel to pay my bill.
1) I called the phone number on the bill, selected “Billing and Payments,” then “FIOS.” I waited on hold for about 15 minutes and was connected to a representative. I asked if he could help me with payment of my final FIOS bill, and he said yes. So I gave him a quick recap of my situation and said that I wanted to settle up. His response was that he was in “DSL Customer Service” and couldn’t help me. Then why did he say he could when I asked if he could help with a FIOS payment? Ugh. He said he would transfer me to the right department, but asked if I had any final questions he could help me with related to DSL. Why the hell would I have questions about DSL? I never had a DSL account.
2) So I go back on hold for 10 minutes.
3) My transfer was answered by a fellow in Customer “Service.” I explained my story to him, and he said that he couldn’t help me “because he was in Massachusetts.” How the heck is that relevant? So he assured me he would transfer me to the right department.
4) I then got connected to “Sales and Service,” but not for FIOS. So now that bozo transfered me.
5) Back on hold for another 5 minutes, but at least the hold music/announcement referenced FIOS, so I figured I was on the right track.
6) I get picked up by another fellow. I explained my story, and he said he couldn’t help me. By this point, I was getting a bit steamed. Sensing my displeasure, he quickly put me on hold and dumped me into another queue. I never figured out what department he was in.
7) Then I was on hold for “Customer Financial Services.”
8) I explained my story to the woman who answered. She said she didn’t actually handle customer payments, but she would try to help me. What exactly is the definition of Customer Financial Services? After thinking for a while, she gave up. She said “she didn’t know what number to give me and didn’t know how someone could pay over the phone.”
Then she explained another irregularity on my account. She said somehow my FIOS Internet and TV service was being billed through my telephone account. I told her I never had a freaking telephone with Verizon, so how is that possible? She didn’t know, so she said she would transfer me.
9) So back on hold, and dumped into a queue for “Verizon Online DSL.” I selected residential customer and was put on hold for a representative.
10) The lady who answered was able to pull up my Internet account, but she said she did not see my TV account. She suggested a pay by phone number, but didn’t think it would work because of the confusion with my account numbers, etc. Instead, she said she would get someone on the line who could help me. In fact, she would prep him/her with the details so I didn’t have to go through the whole ordeal. Great.
11) So I get placed on hold again for about 5 minutes.
12) THE PHONE DISCONNECTS!!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! MY HEART IS READY TO EXPLODE!!!!
So once again, I have wasted another hour of my life trying to pay my final bill. I am not calling them back. This is just ridiculous. I have bent over backwards trying to resolve this properly, and I just keep getting screwed with.
I really don’t know what to do next. On the one hand, it seems ludicrous that I am spending all this time trying to PAY THEM. My time is worth a heck of a lot more than the measly $23.65 that I supposedly owe them. And frankly, I don’t think they are physically capable of sending it to collections, so perhaps the whole thing will just go away. But I really want some resolution on this. I deserve a very big “I AM SORRY” from Verizon.
Updated 3/19 for pic of the final bill. Sorry it's a bad pic, I only have my phone available to take one. A handwritten envelope, a bunch of printer paper, no payment coupon, no return address.
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